Greenland (left), Philippines (right). Which to choose? Photos: rollingstone.com and CNN.com
s the dust settles on just one of the many bruhahas begun by U.S. President Donald Trump, I call his attention and ask him to look West instead of East. West, all the way across the Pacific, to a small—by American Standards— group of islands called the Philippines. Forget Greenland. It is big, cold and the Danes don’t appear to be the slightest bit interested in your overtures.
The Philippines, on the other hand, is warm, its people are friendly, and they love everything American. I am confident you will quickly fall in love with them as well.
Best of all, no one is more endearing than our current president, Rodrigo Duterte. Unlike that “nasty” Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen who mocked your Greenland proposal calling it “absurd,” both you and Duterte are like kindred spirits. You both have so much in common: you seem to be intellectual equals; you both admire Vladimir Putin; you are both hounded by “fake news;” and you both seem attracted to younger, beautiful, women.
In fact, you and Duterte are so much alike; I would not be surprised if it turns out that Duterte is a long-lost twin of yours. He and you can reach stratospheric heights together. He can be Robin to your Batman, Hardy to your Laurel, the Sundance Kid to your Butch Cassidy, or Clyde to your Bonnie.
And Finally, worry not about any local laws getting in the way of your buying our country. In the Philippines, we Pinoys bend rules, break laws, and look the other way all the time. Congress and the courts will approve your purchase right away. Philippine legislators who are, for-the-most-part balimbings (they side with whoever is in power) will enthusiastically endorse anything you want.
And by the way, do you want to pick a fight with China? Be our guest! Buy the Philippines and send your military back over here. You can use all the islands you want, to set up new bases. That alone will make you the undisputed “big boss” of Asia. Isn’t that what you really want anyway?
So, Mr. Trump, stop looking at other countries. Buy the Philippines now! I guarantee you won’t regret it. Published 8/24/2019